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But don't worry, I'll be back soon with something even better;. Self Owen Gray Self Karlee Grey Self Keisha Grey Self Small Hands Self Daniela Harpaz Self Alex Harper Self Dillion Harper Self Raven Hart Self Nina Hartley Self Allie Haze Self Nickey Huntsman Self Amber Ivy Self Madison Ivy Self Jenesis Jade Self Katrina Jade Self Jasmine Jae Self Joslyn James Self Kenna James Self Veruca James Self Jillian Janson Self Sara Jay Self Elsa Jean Self Heidi Jenner Self Shyla Jennings Self Jelena Jensen Self Ron Jeremy Self Sarah Jessie Self Uma Jolie Self - Trophy Girl Stefanie Joy Self Colin Kane Self - Host Kati3kat Self Felix Kay Self Jojo Kiss Self Katy Kiss Self Cassidy Klein Self Alec Knight Self Mark Kramer Self Lily LaBeau Self Lily Lane Self Sunny Lane Self Tory Lane Self Daisy Layne Self Morgan Lee Self Loni Legend Self Dolly Leigh Self Alice Lighthouse Self Shy Love Self Eva Lovia Self Kendra Lust Self Venus Lux Self Kendra Lynn Self Abigail Mac Self Brian Manchester Self Ariana Marie Self Phoenix Marie Self Isiah Maxwell Self Misha Mayfair Self Mindi Mink Self Mary Moody Self Melissa Moore And, sure enough, Hagrid described his father as "a tiny little man," even by non-giant standards.

Hagrid's mother, meanwhile, was the giantess Fridwulfa. While we will be the first to point out that even if she was considered "small" by giant standards, she nevertheless possessed a womb, um And no, we are not talking about Hagrid but his full-giant half-brother Grawp, who was the product of good old-fashioned giant sex between Fridwulfa and a male giant, complete with giant-sized schwanzstucker.

Via Harrypotter. While we personally wish this discomfiting discussion about giant sex could end here, the truth is that Hagrid's father is not the only human to knock boots with someone taller than a telephone pole in Ms.

Rowling's wizarding world. Olympe Maxime, headmistress of Beauxbatons Academy of Magic and Hagrid's old flame, is a half-giant as well. In fact, there are apparently enough half-giants in the Harry Potter universe to warrant their own wiki entry.

The precise number of wizards -- and witches -- rubbing wands with these huge humanoid monsters remains a mystery, as does how it works when it's a male giant and, say, a 5-foot-tall female.

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And sometimes, that shit gets nasty. Continue Reading Below. There's nothing magic about roofies, kids.

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Well, unless you count the part where she is abducted and gang raped by centaurs in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

And if you think we're just filling in the rape stuff with our filthy imaginations, hang on. No one sees what happens next.

What you have to realize is that there's a reason Rowling made sure it was centaurs who snatched Umbridge, rather than any of the countless other dangerous creatures in the forest like the giant spiders.

If you're familiar with the mythology of centaurs, seeing a screaming woman get hauled away by a bunch of them gives you the same feeling you get in Deliverance when Ned Beatty falls into the hands of the hillbillies, or when Bruce Willis and Ving Rhames wind up imprisoned by the same in Pulp Fiction.

Centaurs rape human women -- that's what they do, that's a central part of their mythology. In one legend, centaurs were invited to a wedding feast and attempted to rape the bride.

In another, the famous centaur Nessus was killed while trying to rape a woman. That's the point of centaurs as characters -- they have the heads of men and the animal urges of horses.

People on the Internet familiar with the mythology were quick to notice this , as were feminist blogs. After all, showing Umbridge getting dragged away by centaurs would be like having Draco Malfoy getting his comeuppance by having him get hauled into the back of a windowless van by a creepy guy with a wispy mustache.

We don't need to see what happens next if we know the context. Now, if that had been the last time we saw Umbridge in the series, then you could say, OK, maybe these centaurs are different, maybe they just trampled her to death or stabbed her or tied her to a tree and strapped a bag full of oats to her face.

But Umbridge comes back, and comes back suffering from some kind of major trauma that didn't involve any damage to the visible parts of her body.

Here's Rowling's depiction of her in the aftermath:. Professor Umbridge was lying in a bed opposite them, gazing up at the ceiling Since she had returned to the castle she had not, as far as any of them knew, uttered a single word.

Nobody really knew what was wrong with her, either. Her usually neat mousy hair was very untidy and there were still bits of twigs and leaves in it, but otherwise she seemed to be quite unscathed.

Umbridge sat bolt upright, looking around wildly. At least one of those two knows that centaurs are rape machines. Hint: It's Hermione, the character whose main purpose in the plot is to know absolutely everything.

Via Scamp. Neither of them make an effort to save Umbridge. Potter gets in a witty, James Bond-esque quip as she's being dragged away, and Hermione seems satisfied that mass horse rape is a fitting punishment.

We like to think that on the way back to school, Harry asked "So what do you suppose those centaurs are going to do to the professor?

And that was the day Harry learned that you do not mess with Hermione Granger. When you have repeated murders, werewolf sightings and evidence of students getting tortured being wholly ignored by the grown-ups in the wizarding community, it only makes sense that something as profound as a date-rape crisis plaguing students at Hogwarts would be placed in the same "do not care" file.

And we mean that the magical drugs that make it possible aren't even illegal -- they're sold in the open, at the magical joke shop run by Ron's brothers Fred and George Weasley.

Seriously, crystals, and each one of the products can be disguised "as perfumes and cough potions" to hoodwink Hogwarts' already AWOL authorities.

Oh, and do they work? According to the Weasley twins themselves , "for up to twenty-four hours at a time depending on the weight of the boy in question--".

In case you think this is just a scam by the jokers to hoodwink horny teenage wizards out of their money, we actually see a love potion in action later.

At one point a female wizard named Romilda Vane who according to Hermione "looked like she meant business" gives Harry a box of chocolates spiked with love potion.

Harry doesn't eat them, but his friend Ron does, at which point he becomes a slack-jawed lust-obsessed zombie who has to be cured by a teacher just so he can function again.

In case you think this is just another movie treating female-on-male sexual assault as lighthearted fun , Rowling goes out of her way to portray the negative consequences.

How far out of her way? The villain of the wizard world, Lord Voldemort, was the result of a female wizard using magic to turn a rich guy into a mindless sex slave.

It went on long enough for them to birth a child. According to Albus Dumbledore, Voldemort's mother Merope Gaunt grew up in a dump that was the wizard equivalent of impoverished West Virginia.

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